January 5, 2000
Seeking help
age: 28
gender: female
I feel paranoid, when i'm with my boyfriend I feel that everything he says, the music he listens to is to tell me something, it is quite scary, I hear voices everywhere. I think I was in some way abused by my uncle when I was little, but I can't remember exactly, just that we where alone in a room, I prefer being alone instead of being with people I love. I feel that my life is no good, and can as well be ended, I hate myself. I went to the doctor, but he told me that many people where worse off than me, so I shouldn't be bothered to seek help. It is all very terrible. I will not pay, before I know how you are able to help me.
It certainly is a difficult thing to experience hating yourself...but it is quite important that you have identified at least this source of genuine pain. Your doctor did not say that you shouldn't bother to seek help. You are in such pain that you likely misunderstood his message. You have instead told me that a voice within says that you shouldn't be bothered by having to seek help. We'd all like to feel that there is nothing wrong in our lives...but life is not like that. You have been given a difficult gift...and that is that you are feeling so much pain that help MUST be sought.
You believe that help is only worthwhile if you can receive a guarantee that you will feel better...and only in a way that you can understand and imagine. This is also a misunderstanding. Help comes in many ways and you must seek it out, even if you cannot know the precise outcome.
This is the only help I can offer you. There are many venues for you to choose from when it comes to seeking professional help, and I recommend that you begin by telling a doctor precisely what you've told me. That's the first step...and the rest will naturally follow until you actually do begin to feel that you are being helped.
kristo